FIRST LOVE PART 14 - WAKING UP

Read part 13 here

“As I saw his name flashing on my phone, I went in a state of shock. I didn’t know what to do. My heart stopped beating. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I was scared and I was confused. It was 2 a.m. 

After a few moments of oblivion, I picked up the phone.

Me: Hello

As I heard his voice, I didn’t know what happened to me. His voice melted my heart. It seemed like a decade since I had talked to him.

Him: Hi, kaisi ho?

I didn’t know how to react. What to reply. What should I tell him? That I wasn’t well, how could I even imagine being well without him? The first time when I fell in love, I didn’t for once imagine how life could be without him. And now I have got a taste of it. It killed me slowly as each day passed. I couldn’t bear to live the pain.

I wanted to cry to him, to accuse him of forgetting me.  But then I didn’t want to fall weak before him. He didn’t call me for three weeks. He didn’t care for me. Why should I be the understanding one every time? I agree that he has some previous relationship issues, that he still has feelings for his first love. But then he was my FIRST LOVE, why couldn’t he understand what I felt? I was angry.

So I replied curtly-

Me: Thik thak, koi kaam tha?

Him: Nah, q?

Me: Nahi achanak phone kiya isliye

Him: Kyun, aisehi nahi kar sakta.

I was seriously pissed of this time.

Me: Nahi, nothing like that, normally you don’t call, so I thought ki may be koi kaam tha

Him: Nahi re, was missing you.

Aur batao, kya kar rahi thi?

Me: Kuch nahi, baas aisehi was sitting idle”

Till date I don’t know why I didn’t tell him the truth that night that I was sleeping. I knew if I said that, he would tell me to go back to sleep and not talk anymore.

But then he had called after so long, how could I miss the opportunity to talk to him?

My heart and brain were standing at two opposite poles.. My brain said not to fall weak for him, but as soon as I listened to his voice, as I felt him close to me, my heart fell weak.

I loved him too much. I couldn’t afford to lose him. This call had given me a new light of hope and I was prepared to try my best to keep the candle glowing.

But there was another truth. The past three weeks had changed me. This time, it’s not just my heart; even my mind was taking a crucial role in my life, my decisions.

FIRST LOVE PART 13- HOPES

Read Part 12 here

“Time passed by. My anger had turn into depression. I had given up all hopes. I was hurt. I was tired and depressed and sick. I wasn’t able to get his thoughts out of my head. His memories made me cry. I wasn’t able to sleep properly. I used to wake up after every hour and check my cell phone for any message or miss calls or even the faintest signs of him. I used to wake up every morning with tears in my eyes.

My heart felt empty. I didn’t feel like doing anything, or talking to anybody. I didn’t want to live, but still I had to keep that smile on my face, I didn’t want anybody to find out about my miseries.

I wasn’t ready to accept my failure. I wasn’t ready to accept that he wasn’t mine, that he had left me for someone else. I loved him a lot, I had given my heart to him and it was too late for me to take it back.” Smriti was sobbing again.

I didn’t want to hear anymore. I was bursting with anger. That coward bastard. How could he do this to my friend? He doesn’t even know how to break-up? Ohh yes, wait he does, don’t call for a week and she will understand!! This is what he does to my friend, Play with her emotions, trample her innocence, use her! I was really pissed off at him now. I was hoping Smriti doesn’t tell me his name else I would go and kill him.

And why not? What has he done to deserve to live? He played with her emotions. That guy doesn’t deserve to be loved; he doesn’t know what the meaning of the word love is. He tortured her mentally, and she let him do it. And today, a day before Valentine ’s Day, he broke up with her! This is what you give to a person who loves you this much. I didn’t know about Smriti, but I will never forgive this guy.

Is this what she had deserved? What was her mistake? That she fell in love, true love with a person who didn’t deserve it? Didn’t she deserve to spend one Valentine ’s Day with her FIRST LOVE? She must have had so many plans for tomorrow.

It was becoming difficult for me to hide my tears. I wasn’t able to take it anymore. How could she carry so much pain in her heart for so long and never even allow anyone to get a hint of it? But then I couldn’t cry. How could I cry before Smriti? She needed me now, I had to be strong.

I was lost in my own thoughts when she started narrating again-

“I thought this was the end. But it wasn’t.

Three weeks later...

I remember I was tired that day. So I slept early. And there wasn’t any more reason for me to stay awake too. He didn’t call, and the more I stayed awake and conscious, his thoughts would hurt me more. I wasn’t able to concentrate on any work I did, so I spent most of my time sleeping.

One day while I was sleeping, I felt like I heard my phone ring. I was sleeping soundly. At first I thought I was dreaming, but later I realised it was not.

As I took my phone in my hand, I was in a state of trance. It was 2 a.m. It took me some time to see the name of the caller and realise who it was.

At first I didn’t believe. But then when I realised whose call it was, my heart stopped beating, my eyes were open wide in shock.

I didn’t know what to do. I forgot what we do when we get a call. I was shocked.

It was him...

FIRST LOVE-PART 2: A SURPRISE

Read part 1 first

My mouth opened wide in shock. I was speechless. Finally I gathered up my strength and spoke

-“BREAK-UP? But that’s supposed to happen when you have a boyfriend? Everyone knows that you have been single all your life!”

-“No one knows me enough, it’s been three months since I am committed”

I didn’t know what to say. I have known her for a whole year, she had always been with us, She had always behaved as a single girl did. We never saw her put on makeup and go out, or talk on the phone to anyone except her mother, which never lasted for more than 5 minutes in a day. Then when did the boyfriend get in her life? Where did she fit him in his schedule?

-“Tell me everything”, I was curious

-“I will. I will tell you each part of it.”

-“But, but I never saw you with a guy, you never went out, you were never even on the phone”

-“Have you ever noticed me texting at night?”

-“yeah”

But I have noticed texting her the whole year, all the time, the whole day. She was addicted to sms-ing. I even have a feeling that the new TRAI sms rule was applied because of her. She was a tom-boyish type of girl. By tom-boyish I don’t mean the one with short hair and wears guy type clothes. She is a girl who mixes  a lot with all types of boys. She is a girl who has survived a whole year in this college without anyone ever doubting her to have a boyfriend irrespective of the fact that she talks to and roams around with so many boys.

Even I, her room-mate never got a hint about it. I mean she is a sleepless girl, god knows when she sleeps, she is always texting one or the other friend. Not a single soul ever had a hint of her having a boyfriend

Smriti started narrating the story. I knew this was going to be a long night.....

P.S-Next part up on 13th March.....