FIRST LOVE PART 17- THE LAST NIGHT

Read Part 16 here

I was sleeping tonight when I heard my phone beeping; I woke up with a start. It was him

He: hi

I stopped breathing. It stops every time I see his name in my cell. A strange feeling of happiness and ecstacy gets over me. I was crying, I was happy, still I didn’t know why I was crying. I needed him, why couldn’t he understand? He was sick and that made me miserable, why didn’t he realise that I wanted to take care of him, I wanted him to be fine, I can’t see him unfit.

I wiped my tears and slowly typed

Me: Hey how are you now?

He: Too bad

I was worried, I hurriedly replied back

Me: Did you see a doctor? Are you taking your medicines on time?

He: yeah, but there’s no improvement.

Me: Visit another doctor, maybe that would help.

Him: I don’t want to talk about my health, it pisses me off.

I realised how disturbed he might be. I didn’t want him to be sad.

Me: Don’t worry, just give me a hug and you will be fine.

Him: No, I don’t want a hug.

It came as a bolt from the blue; I didn’t know why he was behaving like this.

Me: What happened? Is everything ok?

Him: I think we should be just friends.

My heart stopped beating. I didn’t know what he wanted to say. I didn’t want to know. I just stared at the 

message, I didn’t know how to react.

Me: Ok

And I dumped my face in my pillow and tried to sleep. The monster was eating me up inside.

After what seemed like a decade, my phone beeped again. I didn’t want to see what it was, I was scared 

beyond words.

Him: Please try to understand, this is not right, nothing is right.

I realised what he meant, I was desperately praying to god that maybe I was wrong. I didn’t feel like talking 

to anyone then, I didn’t feel like living. I didn’t want to believe what he was saying. I didn’t want to face life, 

face the truth. Somehow with trembling hands, I typed-

Me: I understand, and you are not well, go to sleep.

I somehow had the feeling, that this is all a nightmare, and everything would be fine in the morning.

The phone beeped again. This time I felt like throwing it away, I didn’t want to talk to him now, I didn’t want to face all he was saying. I felt like shouting at him but I was too weak for that.

Him: I don’t know, I still love her.

My mind went blank, I was tired, I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to ask anything

Me: Then you should go to her.

Someone was pushing a dagger through my heart. Each word I said, I don’t know why I said them, I just know how each of them stung me. I felt like punching through the wall, pushing my face in the pillow and crying out loud. Every part of me was getting heavier. My mind was dumb. I don’t know what made me say all that.”

I could see Smriti sobbing again. Her voice was choked, she had handed me the phone. Tears were flowing through her eyes, they didn’t seem to stop. I didn’t know what to say, how to console her.

I read the rest of the message in silence, and then I deleted the whole conversation from her phone. Every little part of my body was trembling with anger. I hated this guy, I didn’t want him to hurt her anymore. He was a bastard, he had hurt the person who loved him the most, he broke her trust.

I didn’t know how could Smriti let him go, she loved him so much, she fought for her relationship so long, how could she give up without one last fight, how could she just let him go like that?

“If you loved him so much, how could you let him go so easily?”

-“I don’t know why I said all that. I wish I had stopped him, I wish I had fought back. .

Maybe I didn’t love him enough to keep him to me but cared for him enough to let him go”, she hugged me and started crying.

I didn’t know what to say. I just hugged her tight. Even I felt like crying.

-“Hey can I ask you something?”, she stammered.

-“ Sure dear”, I didn’t know what was on her mind.

-“Is it possible that all this is a bad dream and everything will still be okay when I wake up?”, she begged me.

I just hoped it was just  a bad dream for both of us. I didn’t know what to answer

-“Just go to sleep dear, everything will be fine when you wake up”, and I took her to her bed and made her lay down.

But I couldn’t sleep. I just gazed at her all night. I just wished she hadn’t been so innocent.

It was 13th February...

P.S- We come to an end here, thanks to everyone for sticking along and your valuable comments, hope you liked it

FIRST LOVE PART 15- COMPLAINTS

Read part 14 here

I couldn’t bear it any longer, the pain was excruciating. My love was killing me every passing moment. I realised it’s of no use keeping quiet. My heart was brimming to the top with complaints and I had to bring them out. I had to tell him.

What was my fault in all of this? It wasn’t my fault. He was the one who didn’t call me. He was the one who was confused and I was the understanding one every time. Does supporting your love in his problems and confusions wrong? If I am not wrong, why should I suffer?

Why didn’t he call me? Didn’t he love me anymore? Was all that I did, all the plans of working things out in vain? I wasn’t angry, I was just upset.

I couldn’t hold it any longer. I had to finally speak up-

Me: Why didn’t you call me for so long?

Him: Was a little busy.

I could feel the anger burning a hole in my brain. He was so busy that he couldn’t find out a little time for me?

Me: What kept you busy for such a long time?

Him: Was studying for a interview.

I dropped the matter then and there. The last thing I wanted was to pick up a fight on this issue. Though it was the last thing on my list yet I wanted it.

Me: happy birthday

Him: thanks

You remember?

Me: why shouldn't I remember, your birthday brings a lot of memories.

Him: Like?

Me: I prefer keeping that to myself

Him: Nahi bata na

Me: There’s loads of them, infact everything about us.

Him: hmm.

Me: And how situations have changed with times

Him: Nahi aisa nahi

I will explain you

Whenever we meet

He has said that endless time. I have even lost count of how many times he had promised me to explain his life, his problems to me, but never did. I knew even this time it was fake, but still had little hopes.

Me: Hmm will wait.

I understand

You seem to keep a lot to yourself

Him: Hmmm.

Me: And you fall asleep while talking. You don’t have time for me.

Him: Why are you complaining so much today baby, you never do.

Me: Achcha you are the one who doesn’t text for a month, and dozes off while chatting, what should 

I do?

Him: Aisi baat nahi hai

You know leave it

It’s all my fault

I didn’t know it would rebounce back so badly. I had to make it right.

Me: I never said it’s your fault

I know there are a lot of complicacies and problems in your life

And I want to work them out with you together

Him: There are no problems, I don’t want to work out.

He went offline after that.

I went to sleep after that. I wasn’t in a mood to do anything. Whatever work I sat with, my mind drifted off towards him. I didn’t want to think about it. I always had this feeling that things turn out well in the morning after a good night’s sleep.”

FIRST LOVE PART 14 - WAKING UP

Read part 13 here

“As I saw his name flashing on my phone, I went in a state of shock. I didn’t know what to do. My heart stopped beating. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I was scared and I was confused. It was 2 a.m. 

After a few moments of oblivion, I picked up the phone.

Me: Hello

As I heard his voice, I didn’t know what happened to me. His voice melted my heart. It seemed like a decade since I had talked to him.

Him: Hi, kaisi ho?

I didn’t know how to react. What to reply. What should I tell him? That I wasn’t well, how could I even imagine being well without him? The first time when I fell in love, I didn’t for once imagine how life could be without him. And now I have got a taste of it. It killed me slowly as each day passed. I couldn’t bear to live the pain.

I wanted to cry to him, to accuse him of forgetting me.  But then I didn’t want to fall weak before him. He didn’t call me for three weeks. He didn’t care for me. Why should I be the understanding one every time? I agree that he has some previous relationship issues, that he still has feelings for his first love. But then he was my FIRST LOVE, why couldn’t he understand what I felt? I was angry.

So I replied curtly-

Me: Thik thak, koi kaam tha?

Him: Nah, q?

Me: Nahi achanak phone kiya isliye

Him: Kyun, aisehi nahi kar sakta.

I was seriously pissed of this time.

Me: Nahi, nothing like that, normally you don’t call, so I thought ki may be koi kaam tha

Him: Nahi re, was missing you.

Aur batao, kya kar rahi thi?

Me: Kuch nahi, baas aisehi was sitting idle”

Till date I don’t know why I didn’t tell him the truth that night that I was sleeping. I knew if I said that, he would tell me to go back to sleep and not talk anymore.

But then he had called after so long, how could I miss the opportunity to talk to him?

My heart and brain were standing at two opposite poles.. My brain said not to fall weak for him, but as soon as I listened to his voice, as I felt him close to me, my heart fell weak.

I loved him too much. I couldn’t afford to lose him. This call had given me a new light of hope and I was prepared to try my best to keep the candle glowing.

But there was another truth. The past three weeks had changed me. This time, it’s not just my heart; even my mind was taking a crucial role in my life, my decisions.

FIRST LOVE PART 13- HOPES

Read Part 12 here

“Time passed by. My anger had turn into depression. I had given up all hopes. I was hurt. I was tired and depressed and sick. I wasn’t able to get his thoughts out of my head. His memories made me cry. I wasn’t able to sleep properly. I used to wake up after every hour and check my cell phone for any message or miss calls or even the faintest signs of him. I used to wake up every morning with tears in my eyes.

My heart felt empty. I didn’t feel like doing anything, or talking to anybody. I didn’t want to live, but still I had to keep that smile on my face, I didn’t want anybody to find out about my miseries.

I wasn’t ready to accept my failure. I wasn’t ready to accept that he wasn’t mine, that he had left me for someone else. I loved him a lot, I had given my heart to him and it was too late for me to take it back.” Smriti was sobbing again.

I didn’t want to hear anymore. I was bursting with anger. That coward bastard. How could he do this to my friend? He doesn’t even know how to break-up? Ohh yes, wait he does, don’t call for a week and she will understand!! This is what he does to my friend, Play with her emotions, trample her innocence, use her! I was really pissed off at him now. I was hoping Smriti doesn’t tell me his name else I would go and kill him.

And why not? What has he done to deserve to live? He played with her emotions. That guy doesn’t deserve to be loved; he doesn’t know what the meaning of the word love is. He tortured her mentally, and she let him do it. And today, a day before Valentine ’s Day, he broke up with her! This is what you give to a person who loves you this much. I didn’t know about Smriti, but I will never forgive this guy.

Is this what she had deserved? What was her mistake? That she fell in love, true love with a person who didn’t deserve it? Didn’t she deserve to spend one Valentine ’s Day with her FIRST LOVE? She must have had so many plans for tomorrow.

It was becoming difficult for me to hide my tears. I wasn’t able to take it anymore. How could she carry so much pain in her heart for so long and never even allow anyone to get a hint of it? But then I couldn’t cry. How could I cry before Smriti? She needed me now, I had to be strong.

I was lost in my own thoughts when she started narrating again-

“I thought this was the end. But it wasn’t.

Three weeks later...

I remember I was tired that day. So I slept early. And there wasn’t any more reason for me to stay awake too. He didn’t call, and the more I stayed awake and conscious, his thoughts would hurt me more. I wasn’t able to concentrate on any work I did, so I spent most of my time sleeping.

One day while I was sleeping, I felt like I heard my phone ring. I was sleeping soundly. At first I thought I was dreaming, but later I realised it was not.

As I took my phone in my hand, I was in a state of trance. It was 2 a.m. It took me some time to see the name of the caller and realise who it was.

At first I didn’t believe. But then when I realised whose call it was, my heart stopped beating, my eyes were open wide in shock.

I didn’t know what to do. I forgot what we do when we get a call. I was shocked.

It was him...

FIRST LOVE PART 9- FAILED PLANS

Read part 8 here

-“The exams came and gone. Sometimes I used to be depressed, because of the fact that our conversations had grown less frequent. The things he told me were still on my mind. It always gave me an insecure feeling that distance may creep in between us.

On the last day of the exam as I was writing my paper, I was too excited. I waited for the clock to strike 12, then we can again start talking once again with the burden of studies off our head.

I was waiting to meet him, we had decided to meet today. I wanted to hug him tightly, to forget the rest of the world. I wanted to be with him forever. This was supposed to be our first date. I didn’t know what to say, how to react when he is in front of me.

We had decided to meet in the library in the evening when no one would be there. We didn’t want people to know about us yet. As soon as the exam was over, I rushed back to my room, took a long cold shower. Then I sacked through my bags finding a suitable dress to wear. He had said that he liked white. I didn’t have much white clothes and I doubted whether I would look good in the ones I had. After a lot of ransacking and thinking, I finally took out a black top for the evening. I ironed it well, getting rid of all the creases. I wanted the evening to be perfect. Then I thought to get some sleep. I was tired with all the lack of sleep for the exams and I didn’t want my dark circles to show it.”

Smriti stopped and closed her eyes, relishing the moment. I saw little creases on her forhead. I was worried that the worse part might be coming now.

-“What happened then ? Did you meet him? What did you do?” I was getting curious.

-“I woke up at 4 pm by the sound of some commotion. I went outside my room and I saw all the girls standing in groups and discussing something. I was still sleepy and nothing was getting into my head. I washed my face, got the sleep off my mind and then grabbed hold of one of the girls who told me the story.

You remember it na?”, Smriti looked at me.

“Which one?” I asked her.

-“That guy having the bike accident? He was drunk?”

-“Don’t tell me it was him!”, I gasped and stared at her. My heart skipped a beat.

-“No it was not him, but a close friend of his. When I heard of the incident, I knew he would be disturbed and upset about it. I didn’t call him, because at this moment still planning the date would be selfish considering how disturbed he would be. And I didn’t want to call and console him because I knew it wouldn’t help much. I knew him. He needed some time alone with himself. I decided to text him at night when everything comes under control. I understood the importance of the situation.

I was a little upset. We couldn’t meet before the vacation.

I texted him at night. He asked me if I went to the library. I said that I knew everything, so I didn’t call him. I asked him whether he was okay. He said that he was a little tired.

We didn’t talk on that topic; I knew it would upset him. I told him that we wouldn’t be able to talk so much during the vacations because of family. He assured me not to worry, we would find out a way. I was happy. My hopes were returning.

We chatted normally for a while. Then at one time I got a little angry on him. It was momentary. When we tried mending things, the network went off.

Stupid phone!” Smriti sighed.

P.S.- Next part on 8th April

FIRST LOVE PART 8- COMPROMISES

Read part 7 here

“The next morning, I woke up with a heavy heart, recollecting the happenings of the night. I didn’t know what to do, how to react. I loved him a lot; I didn’t want to let him go. But then again I couldn’t really accept everything I heard last night.

And then a realisation struck me. This wasn’t meant to be forever. He loved someone else. I doubted my existence in his life. For one moment I felt as if he was using me. I felt sad, angry. I cursed myself for falling in love with him. But the mistake has already been done. I had already given my heart to him, unaware of the truth.

Whenever I thought or dreamt of falling in love with someone, I had never imagined him to be a perfect guy. I had always thought that I would never let his past or habits bother me. Now I realised that practical life is much different from theoretical dreams. My heart loved him, but my mind couldn’t accept anything he said last night.

But once the mistake has been done, it has been done. Once you have walked your way, there is no turning back. I knew this wasn’t meant to be forever, this relation is bound to end someday, but I didn’t want it to be today. I wanted to give it a chance, to work on it. I decided to give all my strength and energy into it, to fight for my love till the last moment. I wasn't ready to accept the reality.

I took my cell and text-ed him-

Baby it’s all right, you don’t have to be upset for yesterday. Don’t think too much. I love you and I will always be with you.

My eyes were blurred with tears.

He didn’t reply back. I spent the whole day thinking about him. I was worried about the consequences of whatever happened last night.

He texted at night, just the way it used to be. I didn’t bring up the topic of last night. I was afraid of the consequences. I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted it to be just me and him. It was our time; I didn’t want to bring anyone else into it. I loved him a lot to overlook whatever the past was. I had faith in myself that I can make things right. I felt relieved when the night passed peacefully. I knew now that our relationship was hard but not impossible.

Things became better between us. He was caring and possessive about me and I liked it. I wanted to be his only, and I wanted him to feel the same. We used to remain busy all day. But at night we couldn’t sleep without talking to each other. He was a silent type of guy while I was a chatterer. But he was a patient listener. We never fought; each of us understood the other well. We could even read each other’s mind without talking. I could always feel his aura around me. When sometimes he used to text me from a new number without even writing his name, only a glimpse of his message would make me realise that it was him. 

At one point we even grew so close to each other, that sometimes I even understood that it was his message just by the sound of the message tone.”

Smriti stopped for a moment. I could see a smile spread across her face. I realised she was getting deeper into it, living everything once again. She started narrating once again.

“Everything went on fine till the semesters came. We then both decided that it was not healthy having long conversations at night. We need to concentrate on our exams more than each other. We can talk after the exams were over. We even planned to go on our first date on the day exams get over, before I leave for home.

Little did I know that things would change so much after this.”

Next part on 31st March