FIRST LOVE PART 17- THE LAST NIGHT

Read Part 16 here

I was sleeping tonight when I heard my phone beeping; I woke up with a start. It was him

He: hi

I stopped breathing. It stops every time I see his name in my cell. A strange feeling of happiness and ecstacy gets over me. I was crying, I was happy, still I didn’t know why I was crying. I needed him, why couldn’t he understand? He was sick and that made me miserable, why didn’t he realise that I wanted to take care of him, I wanted him to be fine, I can’t see him unfit.

I wiped my tears and slowly typed

Me: Hey how are you now?

He: Too bad

I was worried, I hurriedly replied back

Me: Did you see a doctor? Are you taking your medicines on time?

He: yeah, but there’s no improvement.

Me: Visit another doctor, maybe that would help.

Him: I don’t want to talk about my health, it pisses me off.

I realised how disturbed he might be. I didn’t want him to be sad.

Me: Don’t worry, just give me a hug and you will be fine.

Him: No, I don’t want a hug.

It came as a bolt from the blue; I didn’t know why he was behaving like this.

Me: What happened? Is everything ok?

Him: I think we should be just friends.

My heart stopped beating. I didn’t know what he wanted to say. I didn’t want to know. I just stared at the 

message, I didn’t know how to react.

Me: Ok

And I dumped my face in my pillow and tried to sleep. The monster was eating me up inside.

After what seemed like a decade, my phone beeped again. I didn’t want to see what it was, I was scared 

beyond words.

Him: Please try to understand, this is not right, nothing is right.

I realised what he meant, I was desperately praying to god that maybe I was wrong. I didn’t feel like talking 

to anyone then, I didn’t feel like living. I didn’t want to believe what he was saying. I didn’t want to face life, 

face the truth. Somehow with trembling hands, I typed-

Me: I understand, and you are not well, go to sleep.

I somehow had the feeling, that this is all a nightmare, and everything would be fine in the morning.

The phone beeped again. This time I felt like throwing it away, I didn’t want to talk to him now, I didn’t want to face all he was saying. I felt like shouting at him but I was too weak for that.

Him: I don’t know, I still love her.

My mind went blank, I was tired, I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to ask anything

Me: Then you should go to her.

Someone was pushing a dagger through my heart. Each word I said, I don’t know why I said them, I just know how each of them stung me. I felt like punching through the wall, pushing my face in the pillow and crying out loud. Every part of me was getting heavier. My mind was dumb. I don’t know what made me say all that.”

I could see Smriti sobbing again. Her voice was choked, she had handed me the phone. Tears were flowing through her eyes, they didn’t seem to stop. I didn’t know what to say, how to console her.

I read the rest of the message in silence, and then I deleted the whole conversation from her phone. Every little part of my body was trembling with anger. I hated this guy, I didn’t want him to hurt her anymore. He was a bastard, he had hurt the person who loved him the most, he broke her trust.

I didn’t know how could Smriti let him go, she loved him so much, she fought for her relationship so long, how could she give up without one last fight, how could she just let him go like that?

“If you loved him so much, how could you let him go so easily?”

-“I don’t know why I said all that. I wish I had stopped him, I wish I had fought back. .

Maybe I didn’t love him enough to keep him to me but cared for him enough to let him go”, she hugged me and started crying.

I didn’t know what to say. I just hugged her tight. Even I felt like crying.

-“Hey can I ask you something?”, she stammered.

-“ Sure dear”, I didn’t know what was on her mind.

-“Is it possible that all this is a bad dream and everything will still be okay when I wake up?”, she begged me.

I just hoped it was just  a bad dream for both of us. I didn’t know what to answer

-“Just go to sleep dear, everything will be fine when you wake up”, and I took her to her bed and made her lay down.

But I couldn’t sleep. I just gazed at her all night. I just wished she hadn’t been so innocent.

It was 13th February...

P.S- We come to an end here, thanks to everyone for sticking along and your valuable comments, hope you liked it

FIRST LOVE PART 16- ROLLER COASTER

Read Part 15 here

“End of January saw a lot of busy time. Projects, assignments, rushing to the library now and then, late night studies and along with that a lot of student activities. This even brought good times for our relationship. We were together most of the times.  Every morning I woke up with a rejuvenating feeling. Working together, running around, fighting over small issues spiced with the occasional staring and smiling at each other, the accidental yet not so accidental touching of hands and then retreating away made my day. I loved the workload, I didn’t get tired, I looked forward to all of it.

It was peppered with our daily talks at night. We discussed about the work, about the people around, we laughed at our mistakes, at our stupidity, we joked about little matters, stuff which no one other than us would understand.

I was happy. Finally things were taking a positive turn.

Those were good times, situations were changing.

Hopes were returning. I finally was relieved that everything was turning out fine.”

Smriti was smiling. I just gazed at her. I was confused. I didn’t know whether to be happy seeing her smile or be sad for her. I didn’t know why, but by what I heard, I didn’t quite like the guy. I felt he was playing with her emotions. Her heart was going through a roller coaster ride. One moment she was happy, next moment she was sad, again the next moment-happy. Still she wanted to hang on, I didn’t know why. Why did she love him so much?

Slowly I saw the smile on smriti’s face fade off, I didn’t know why. I kept my hand on her shoulder.

“The next week he was busy. He didn’t text. I didn’t mind at first. I knew that he would be tired from all the work we did last week. I knew that things were better between us now. I didn’t want anything to ruin this moment. I was ready to take things slow.

But then a few days later, I started to get worried. He wasn’t texting much. Even when I texted, he either didn’t reply or our conversations didn’t last much long.

One day when he wasn’t replying to my messages I called him up, he disconnected the call.

I was upset, I felt like crying and shouting out loud. Still I didn’t misbehave, I maintained my calm. I explained myself he might be busy with some work, he would call up as soon as he is free.

He didn’t call.

I cried the whole night that day.

I knew there was something wrong, things weren’t right. I didn’t want to ruin it further, I just want to hang on to the threads. I was still trying to make it work.”

The next night he texted me”, saying this Smriti burst out crying.

FIRST LOVE PART 15- COMPLAINTS

Read part 14 here

I couldn’t bear it any longer, the pain was excruciating. My love was killing me every passing moment. I realised it’s of no use keeping quiet. My heart was brimming to the top with complaints and I had to bring them out. I had to tell him.

What was my fault in all of this? It wasn’t my fault. He was the one who didn’t call me. He was the one who was confused and I was the understanding one every time. Does supporting your love in his problems and confusions wrong? If I am not wrong, why should I suffer?

Why didn’t he call me? Didn’t he love me anymore? Was all that I did, all the plans of working things out in vain? I wasn’t angry, I was just upset.

I couldn’t hold it any longer. I had to finally speak up-

Me: Why didn’t you call me for so long?

Him: Was a little busy.

I could feel the anger burning a hole in my brain. He was so busy that he couldn’t find out a little time for me?

Me: What kept you busy for such a long time?

Him: Was studying for a interview.

I dropped the matter then and there. The last thing I wanted was to pick up a fight on this issue. Though it was the last thing on my list yet I wanted it.

Me: happy birthday

Him: thanks

You remember?

Me: why shouldn't I remember, your birthday brings a lot of memories.

Him: Like?

Me: I prefer keeping that to myself

Him: Nahi bata na

Me: There’s loads of them, infact everything about us.

Him: hmm.

Me: And how situations have changed with times

Him: Nahi aisa nahi

I will explain you

Whenever we meet

He has said that endless time. I have even lost count of how many times he had promised me to explain his life, his problems to me, but never did. I knew even this time it was fake, but still had little hopes.

Me: Hmm will wait.

I understand

You seem to keep a lot to yourself

Him: Hmmm.

Me: And you fall asleep while talking. You don’t have time for me.

Him: Why are you complaining so much today baby, you never do.

Me: Achcha you are the one who doesn’t text for a month, and dozes off while chatting, what should 

I do?

Him: Aisi baat nahi hai

You know leave it

It’s all my fault

I didn’t know it would rebounce back so badly. I had to make it right.

Me: I never said it’s your fault

I know there are a lot of complicacies and problems in your life

And I want to work them out with you together

Him: There are no problems, I don’t want to work out.

He went offline after that.

I went to sleep after that. I wasn’t in a mood to do anything. Whatever work I sat with, my mind drifted off towards him. I didn’t want to think about it. I always had this feeling that things turn out well in the morning after a good night’s sleep.”

FIRST LOVE PART 14 - WAKING UP

Read part 13 here

“As I saw his name flashing on my phone, I went in a state of shock. I didn’t know what to do. My heart stopped beating. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I was scared and I was confused. It was 2 a.m. 

After a few moments of oblivion, I picked up the phone.

Me: Hello

As I heard his voice, I didn’t know what happened to me. His voice melted my heart. It seemed like a decade since I had talked to him.

Him: Hi, kaisi ho?

I didn’t know how to react. What to reply. What should I tell him? That I wasn’t well, how could I even imagine being well without him? The first time when I fell in love, I didn’t for once imagine how life could be without him. And now I have got a taste of it. It killed me slowly as each day passed. I couldn’t bear to live the pain.

I wanted to cry to him, to accuse him of forgetting me.  But then I didn’t want to fall weak before him. He didn’t call me for three weeks. He didn’t care for me. Why should I be the understanding one every time? I agree that he has some previous relationship issues, that he still has feelings for his first love. But then he was my FIRST LOVE, why couldn’t he understand what I felt? I was angry.

So I replied curtly-

Me: Thik thak, koi kaam tha?

Him: Nah, q?

Me: Nahi achanak phone kiya isliye

Him: Kyun, aisehi nahi kar sakta.

I was seriously pissed of this time.

Me: Nahi, nothing like that, normally you don’t call, so I thought ki may be koi kaam tha

Him: Nahi re, was missing you.

Aur batao, kya kar rahi thi?

Me: Kuch nahi, baas aisehi was sitting idle”

Till date I don’t know why I didn’t tell him the truth that night that I was sleeping. I knew if I said that, he would tell me to go back to sleep and not talk anymore.

But then he had called after so long, how could I miss the opportunity to talk to him?

My heart and brain were standing at two opposite poles.. My brain said not to fall weak for him, but as soon as I listened to his voice, as I felt him close to me, my heart fell weak.

I loved him too much. I couldn’t afford to lose him. This call had given me a new light of hope and I was prepared to try my best to keep the candle glowing.

But there was another truth. The past three weeks had changed me. This time, it’s not just my heart; even my mind was taking a crucial role in my life, my decisions.

FIRST LOVE PART 13- HOPES

Read Part 12 here

“Time passed by. My anger had turn into depression. I had given up all hopes. I was hurt. I was tired and depressed and sick. I wasn’t able to get his thoughts out of my head. His memories made me cry. I wasn’t able to sleep properly. I used to wake up after every hour and check my cell phone for any message or miss calls or even the faintest signs of him. I used to wake up every morning with tears in my eyes.

My heart felt empty. I didn’t feel like doing anything, or talking to anybody. I didn’t want to live, but still I had to keep that smile on my face, I didn’t want anybody to find out about my miseries.

I wasn’t ready to accept my failure. I wasn’t ready to accept that he wasn’t mine, that he had left me for someone else. I loved him a lot, I had given my heart to him and it was too late for me to take it back.” Smriti was sobbing again.

I didn’t want to hear anymore. I was bursting with anger. That coward bastard. How could he do this to my friend? He doesn’t even know how to break-up? Ohh yes, wait he does, don’t call for a week and she will understand!! This is what he does to my friend, Play with her emotions, trample her innocence, use her! I was really pissed off at him now. I was hoping Smriti doesn’t tell me his name else I would go and kill him.

And why not? What has he done to deserve to live? He played with her emotions. That guy doesn’t deserve to be loved; he doesn’t know what the meaning of the word love is. He tortured her mentally, and she let him do it. And today, a day before Valentine ’s Day, he broke up with her! This is what you give to a person who loves you this much. I didn’t know about Smriti, but I will never forgive this guy.

Is this what she had deserved? What was her mistake? That she fell in love, true love with a person who didn’t deserve it? Didn’t she deserve to spend one Valentine ’s Day with her FIRST LOVE? She must have had so many plans for tomorrow.

It was becoming difficult for me to hide my tears. I wasn’t able to take it anymore. How could she carry so much pain in her heart for so long and never even allow anyone to get a hint of it? But then I couldn’t cry. How could I cry before Smriti? She needed me now, I had to be strong.

I was lost in my own thoughts when she started narrating again-

“I thought this was the end. But it wasn’t.

Three weeks later...

I remember I was tired that day. So I slept early. And there wasn’t any more reason for me to stay awake too. He didn’t call, and the more I stayed awake and conscious, his thoughts would hurt me more. I wasn’t able to concentrate on any work I did, so I spent most of my time sleeping.

One day while I was sleeping, I felt like I heard my phone ring. I was sleeping soundly. At first I thought I was dreaming, but later I realised it was not.

As I took my phone in my hand, I was in a state of trance. It was 2 a.m. It took me some time to see the name of the caller and realise who it was.

At first I didn’t believe. But then when I realised whose call it was, my heart stopped beating, my eyes were open wide in shock.

I didn’t know what to do. I forgot what we do when we get a call. I was shocked.

It was him...

FIRST LOVE PART 12- LOVE,ANGER,PAIN

Read Part 11 here

“Vacations were over. Ahh! The feeling of getting back to college, the independence. No more going to bed early, no more messaging him secretly without Mum getting to know.

I forgot to mention, after that day we chatted online, things were going well between us. Whatever little time we got, we were happy with that, each of us understood the other’s limitations.

But I had to remain a little safe from my mum. She has this habit of keeping an eye on my phone as to how many guys I talk to, anyone can be my prospective boyfriend. Sometimes she really used to get to my nerves”, Smriti was laughing.

-“Will you please stop talking about your mum and continue with what happened next?” I was getting irritated as she was dragging it so long. It’s already 4 am and none of us have got any signs of sleepiness. Four empty coffee mugs were lying before us on the window sill.

-“Hmm sorry, so I got back to college, a little early because of all the troubles of the registration. He had told me he would return two days later. That means, he would be on the train back to college now and all his phones are supposedly switched off. So no talking to him until he was back.

I wasn’t upset this time. I knew that atleast there won’t be any time problems or network barriers in between. There were no exams also. So we could spend a lot of time with each other. I got busy in setting up my room and all the running around for registration and all.

But he didn’t text me for a week. Not even for two weeks. He wasn’t even replying to my messages. I am not much comfortable talking to people on the phone, so I was a little hesitant in calling. I stayed online the whole day, days after days, just to catch hold of him online.

After one week, I found him online-

Me: Hey

Him: Heyya

Me: Kya baat hai ajkal no messages?

Him:  Kuch nahi. Aisehi, baas maan nahi karta

I was shocked. How could he say something like that? Didn’t he have any responsibilities towards our relationship? Didn’t he care for me? First he doesn’t text me, and then when I ask him, all he has to answer is this! Now my supportive, submissive feelings were turning towards anger. I started feeling as if all this was a mistake. All the things he told me that night came flashing by through my mind.

Did he meet her during the vacations? Has something started growing between them?

I suddenly had a feeling he was using me, and I was letting him do so.

Me: Why? Is everything ok?

Him: Yeah, Baas thoda busy.

I didn’t care this time. I was filled with anger. Let him not call me. I don’t care. At least I don’t have to suffer. What was my fault in this? That I fell in love with a man who loved someone else? That I cared about the feelings of a man who couldn’t care for me any less? That I didn’t behave like another girl would have done if her boyfriend told her that he loved someone else? BOYFRIEND, yes, that guy was my boyfriend!!!” Smriti was shouting at me now, as if I was guilty.

I kept my hands on her shoulder trying to calm her down. I could feel her choked voice, mixed with sorrow, anger, and regret.

“Me: ok, jab free raho, call me.

He didn’t  call.

I felt liked crying. I cried every night. I kept my cell-phone on the loudest mode and woke up in the middle of my sleep innumerable times to check if he had texted or called.

But all in vain. Every morning I woke up, I could still feel my eyes were wet. I cried in my sleep too.

I knew this was supposed to come to a end someday. And it would hurt a lot then. The later it is, the more it would hurt. But I don’t know why, I didn’t want it to end so soon. I was preparing myself for the pain it would bring on me.

I was living in a world of dreams.”

FIRST LOVE PART 11- @HOME

Read Part 10 here

"It had been a week since we had talked. I had got used to it. I didn’t mind going to sleep without talking to him. After all I was at home, with my parents. I couldn’t afford to be emotional lest they would be worried. I didn’t know why for the first time, I was happy being at home, being with my parents. I loved this dependence. I didn’t feel like I was being choked. I wanted my parents to be over-protective and dominant over me, question each step I took. For the first time in my life, I started loving what I had hated for twenty years. Why? Did I become too vulnerable? Was my love making me weak?

I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything. I just didn’t want to think about it. I wanted to run away, run away from everything, run away from this place where everyone knows me, and run away from life, from truth. I wish I could run away from myself.

I was not talking to him. I was not even courageous to show my tension in front of my parents. So in the vacations I found solace in my laptop. I used to sit with it all day, reading, surfing the net etc.

One day while I was checking my mails, he pinged me

Him: hey

My breath stopped for a moment. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I didn’t know what to do next. After a few seconds of oblivion I typed-

Me: Heyya

Him: Kaisi ho?

Me: Fine, and u?

Him: Me too.

Me: Kya baat hai, aj bahut dino baad meri yaad ayi?

Him: Kya karu, kaam ka pressure. Naya number nahi mila hai, purane pe roaming lag rha hai. Kitna 

bura na?

Me: Koi nahi, sad mat ho. Jab baat kar paoge, interest ke saath waasul karenge.

Him: Okay J

My stupid heart. It just can’t be angry on anyone for long. Just that little chat and I was back on track. I 

didn’t doubt my love, my decisions. I was happy, and less scared.

A few days later he got a new number there. We were back to texting. It wasn’t as good or passionate as old times. There were a lot of problems. Firstly, I am not allowed to stay up late nights. He used to be late while returning from work. He used to get tired so dozed off as soon as he returned home. When he woke up, I had already gone to sleep. And even if we got over all these problems and managed to text each other, the network sucked, so half of the times the messages didn’t use to get delivered.”

 Long distance relationship became tough for us with so many boundaries. Still we did our best. I knew the situation was tough, he was confused, our relation was vulnerable. A lot of times I was confused, I wanted to give up, to end it all. I wasn’t able to bear the pain, but I was even scared of the pain of being without him.

 I didn’t want to give up. I was ready to work on it, to give it my best."

FIRST LOVE- PART 10: VACATIONS

Read part 9 here

I was still upset when I got up in the morning. Last night I tried to call him a lot of times, but the network sucked. I even sent a few messages, but I knew they were in vain. He didn’t reply to messages most of the time.

Since the first day I came to this college, I never liked going home. I liked hostel life more. I liked being with friends, the independence. When the rest used to be very excited whenever vacations came, I was the one who went to depression. No one ever understood why I was like that.

But this time, the vacations were different. I wanted to rush back home as soon as I can. I wanted to go and hug my parents. I wanted to run away from everything-college, friends, Independence, him. I didn’t know why I behaved like that. I thought I was happy with him. But as the vacations were approaching, I realised I wanted to be with my mum more than I wanted to be with him. I felt that I would love to get some sleep at night more than spending it talking to him. I didn’t know why I wasn’t enjoying it anymore.

I was the one who said that I wanted to fight for my love till my last breath. I was the one who wasn’t ready to give up. Was my determination making me hollow from inside? Was it making me weak? On one side I still wanted to be with him, but on the other hand I wanted to break free of it all, to give it all up and run back to my parents. I didn’t know why I felt like this, why I was doing this. The only thing I knew was that I needed to spend some time away from all this, with my family.

I was supposed to leave at 10 am. I remember him asking whether he could go with me to the railway station a few hours before the train came so that we could spend some time together before I left. We were both upset with the cancellation of our date.

But that wasn’t possible. My parents never let me travel alone. They always came to pick me up. So we even had to cancel that plan. I was badly upset.

Even before I left for home, I tried calling him up a number of times, but somehow the calls never connected. Now that’s what is called bad luck. The clock struck 10. With a heavy heart I took my bags and left for home.

Whenever I tried calling, I always got the message that his phone was switched off. So I stopped trying. I thought that there must be some problem with his phone, and he was as disturbed as I was. I knew he would call as soon as he could.

But he didn’t call.

I dunno why but I wasn’t worried or tensed this time. I don’t know why not talking to him didn’t upset me. I knew I had come home to get away from all the worries and tensions this relationship gave me so I didn’t call him.

We didn’t contact each other for a few days. I knew my reasons but I didn’t know his. I realised it’s been a long time and that I should call him. As soon as I took my cell and searched through my contacts to find his name, I realised that I didn’t have the number he used at home. I only had the college number which was supposed to be switched off while he was at home. I dropped my cell on the bed with a sigh. Now the only hopes left for me was to wish that he would call me.

How could I be so stupid that I forgot to take his number before I left?” Smita thumped her foot on the window sill.

-“Then? What happened? You got his number?” I asked.

“I waited, he didn’t call”

P.S.- Next part on 15th April :)

FIRST LOVE PART 9- FAILED PLANS

Read part 8 here

-“The exams came and gone. Sometimes I used to be depressed, because of the fact that our conversations had grown less frequent. The things he told me were still on my mind. It always gave me an insecure feeling that distance may creep in between us.

On the last day of the exam as I was writing my paper, I was too excited. I waited for the clock to strike 12, then we can again start talking once again with the burden of studies off our head.

I was waiting to meet him, we had decided to meet today. I wanted to hug him tightly, to forget the rest of the world. I wanted to be with him forever. This was supposed to be our first date. I didn’t know what to say, how to react when he is in front of me.

We had decided to meet in the library in the evening when no one would be there. We didn’t want people to know about us yet. As soon as the exam was over, I rushed back to my room, took a long cold shower. Then I sacked through my bags finding a suitable dress to wear. He had said that he liked white. I didn’t have much white clothes and I doubted whether I would look good in the ones I had. After a lot of ransacking and thinking, I finally took out a black top for the evening. I ironed it well, getting rid of all the creases. I wanted the evening to be perfect. Then I thought to get some sleep. I was tired with all the lack of sleep for the exams and I didn’t want my dark circles to show it.”

Smriti stopped and closed her eyes, relishing the moment. I saw little creases on her forhead. I was worried that the worse part might be coming now.

-“What happened then ? Did you meet him? What did you do?” I was getting curious.

-“I woke up at 4 pm by the sound of some commotion. I went outside my room and I saw all the girls standing in groups and discussing something. I was still sleepy and nothing was getting into my head. I washed my face, got the sleep off my mind and then grabbed hold of one of the girls who told me the story.

You remember it na?”, Smriti looked at me.

“Which one?” I asked her.

-“That guy having the bike accident? He was drunk?”

-“Don’t tell me it was him!”, I gasped and stared at her. My heart skipped a beat.

-“No it was not him, but a close friend of his. When I heard of the incident, I knew he would be disturbed and upset about it. I didn’t call him, because at this moment still planning the date would be selfish considering how disturbed he would be. And I didn’t want to call and console him because I knew it wouldn’t help much. I knew him. He needed some time alone with himself. I decided to text him at night when everything comes under control. I understood the importance of the situation.

I was a little upset. We couldn’t meet before the vacation.

I texted him at night. He asked me if I went to the library. I said that I knew everything, so I didn’t call him. I asked him whether he was okay. He said that he was a little tired.

We didn’t talk on that topic; I knew it would upset him. I told him that we wouldn’t be able to talk so much during the vacations because of family. He assured me not to worry, we would find out a way. I was happy. My hopes were returning.

We chatted normally for a while. Then at one time I got a little angry on him. It was momentary. When we tried mending things, the network went off.

Stupid phone!” Smriti sighed.

P.S.- Next part on 8th April

FIRST LOVE PART 8- COMPROMISES

Read part 7 here

“The next morning, I woke up with a heavy heart, recollecting the happenings of the night. I didn’t know what to do, how to react. I loved him a lot; I didn’t want to let him go. But then again I couldn’t really accept everything I heard last night.

And then a realisation struck me. This wasn’t meant to be forever. He loved someone else. I doubted my existence in his life. For one moment I felt as if he was using me. I felt sad, angry. I cursed myself for falling in love with him. But the mistake has already been done. I had already given my heart to him, unaware of the truth.

Whenever I thought or dreamt of falling in love with someone, I had never imagined him to be a perfect guy. I had always thought that I would never let his past or habits bother me. Now I realised that practical life is much different from theoretical dreams. My heart loved him, but my mind couldn’t accept anything he said last night.

But once the mistake has been done, it has been done. Once you have walked your way, there is no turning back. I knew this wasn’t meant to be forever, this relation is bound to end someday, but I didn’t want it to be today. I wanted to give it a chance, to work on it. I decided to give all my strength and energy into it, to fight for my love till the last moment. I wasn't ready to accept the reality.

I took my cell and text-ed him-

Baby it’s all right, you don’t have to be upset for yesterday. Don’t think too much. I love you and I will always be with you.

My eyes were blurred with tears.

He didn’t reply back. I spent the whole day thinking about him. I was worried about the consequences of whatever happened last night.

He texted at night, just the way it used to be. I didn’t bring up the topic of last night. I was afraid of the consequences. I didn’t want to lose him. I wanted it to be just me and him. It was our time; I didn’t want to bring anyone else into it. I loved him a lot to overlook whatever the past was. I had faith in myself that I can make things right. I felt relieved when the night passed peacefully. I knew now that our relationship was hard but not impossible.

Things became better between us. He was caring and possessive about me and I liked it. I wanted to be his only, and I wanted him to feel the same. We used to remain busy all day. But at night we couldn’t sleep without talking to each other. He was a silent type of guy while I was a chatterer. But he was a patient listener. We never fought; each of us understood the other well. We could even read each other’s mind without talking. I could always feel his aura around me. When sometimes he used to text me from a new number without even writing his name, only a glimpse of his message would make me realise that it was him. 

At one point we even grew so close to each other, that sometimes I even understood that it was his message just by the sound of the message tone.”

Smriti stopped for a moment. I could see a smile spread across her face. I realised she was getting deeper into it, living everything once again. She started narrating once again.

“Everything went on fine till the semesters came. We then both decided that it was not healthy having long conversations at night. We need to concentrate on our exams more than each other. We can talk after the exams were over. We even planned to go on our first date on the day exams get over, before I leave for home.

Little did I know that things would change so much after this.”

Next part on 31st March

FIRST LOVE PART 7- THE BITTER PAST

Read part 6 here

“Him: I need to tell you something

Me: Say na

Him: I love you

Me: I love you too baby

Him: But there’s something you need to know about me

Me: What?

Him: I was in a relationship with a girl for three years.

Me: It’s okay dear, I don’t care about your past.

Him: There’s more you should know.

Me: Tell

Him: I still love her. But family problems made us far. She told her parents, they didn’t accept. I haven’t said anything at home yet.

I didn’t know what to say. I felt as if I was blinded. My heart stopped for a moment. I had no idea why he was telling me that. For a moment I doubted my existence.

Me: If you still love her, why are you not with her?

Him: Her parents didn’t agree. And she doesn’t want to try.

Someone was pushing a dagger through my heart. Each word I said, I don’t know why I said them, I just know how each of them stung me. I felt like punching through the wall, pushing my face in the pillow and crying out loud. Every part of me was getting heavier. My mind was dumb. I don’t know what made me say all that.

Me: Tell her, go to her, If you love her, you should be with her.

Him: I have tried telling her a lot of times, but she doesn’t listen.

Me: But if you love her, why did you tell me that you love me?

Him: Because I love you too.

Me: But you can’t love two people at the same time, it’s against nature’s rules.

Him: I know, but nature’s law sucks

Me: But you can’t love two people.

Him: I know. I love the girl who has been with me for three years but we talk just once a month. But I love 

the support of the girl with whom I talk every day.

Me: I don’t know what to say

Him: Please don’t be upset. I love you, that’s why I said all these to you. Can you love me after knowing all these?

Me: I think you should talk to her, about us.

Him: I don’t get you

Me: To move ahead with me, you need to talk to her about “us”, tell her about me.

Him: I can’t do this. Baby can you still love me knowing all these?

Me: Please give me some time, you go to sleep.

Him: Please don’t be upset baby; I don’t want you to be sad.

Me: Go to sleep, you have an exam tomorrow, we can talk about this later, don’t think too much.

Him: Exam is not important, you are important.

Me: Go to sleep, we can talk about this later.”

Smriti stopped for a moment. She had started crying again. I had no idea how to stop her this time. I didn’t know whether a hug will do.

Today’s the 13^th of February, a day before Valentine’s Day. I know what she might be going through. She 

must have made so many plans for the big day. How could I not have known such a big secret of hers?

I felt guilty.

Next part on 28th March

FIRST LOVE PART 6- HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE

Read part 5 here

-“ We used to text every day. It sort of became a habit. From strangers, we became friends, from friends to best friends. Not a single day passed without talking to each other. It was as if we couldn’t sleep.

We talked about a lot of stuff. Pulling each other’s legs and all. We never got out of topics to talk. I even sort of selected some girls to become his girlfriend. After a few days he didn’t like that though”

-“So you chose girlfriends for your boyfriend?”

-“He wasn’t my boyfriend till then”

-“Ohh”

-“Our chats used to continue for hours till one of us fell asleep. In the middle of all these, God knows when we fell for each other. He became very obsessive about me, and even I was passionately in love with him”.

-“Aww  that was so sweet. What happened next?”

-“A dark secret was revealed”, She paused.

I could feel the tension growing again.

I was scared. I left her alone beside the window and got inside to make some coffee for both of us. It was chilling outside.

I didn’t want to know what surprise was waiting for me now. I didn’t want to know what hurts her so much.

But I had to do it, for her...

P.S.- Next part on 25th March

FIRST LOVE PART 5- JUST CHATTING!!

Read part 4 here

“A  month later, I was just sitting idle surfing the net. He was online, I overlooked. Suddenly out of the blue he pinged me-

Him : Hey

Me: Hi

Him: How r u?

Me: Good, and u?

Him: Me too, net slow hai na bahut?

Me: There’s some problem with my laptop, lan nahi chalta, i use the dongle

Him: Oh god, net ka itna craze?

Me: Nah, craze nahi  hai, sometimes it’s a necessity. I was sleeping now, woke up with a bad news of the demise of one of my teachers

Him: Oh, m sorry, don’t worry, fir se so jao.

 You there?

Me: Yeah.

Him: Mera net bahut slow hai, it’s showing you are offline. Come on gtalk

Me: Ok.

Now my dongle is also against me

Him: Yeah the net connection here sucks, i prefer messages

Me: Yeah, it seems rude when you are chatting with someone and then suddenly the net goes off

Him: Thr?

Kaha gyi?

Me: I am online through my cell

Him: We won’t be able to talk like this.

 Gimme your number

Me: 98********

“

P.S.- next part on 23rd march....

FIRST LOVE-PART 4: IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Read Part 3 here

-“Our work got over. We didn't get to see each other much after that.

A month later I was down with common cold. You know the breathing troubles I have during a fever, I can’t even sleep at night. I decided to visit the hospital”

-“How come I wasn’t there with you?” I asked because we always go together to the hospital.

-“You were having extra classes and I wasn’t in a mood to wait. So I went alone.”

-“What happened there?” I was growing restless.

-“He was there, with his friend. He was having a cold, and being fair skinned, his nose was as red as a reindeer. We chatted while waiting for our turn.”

-“Huh, so the common cold virus is good, gave you a boyfriend!”  I teased her.

-“Shut up or else I won’t tell you anything,” she gave me a stern look.

-“Ok miss, as you wish”, I could feel the tension getting out of her. I was happy.

-“That night while I was online on facebook, I found him online too. So I pinged him-

Me: Hi

Him: Hey

Me: How r u feeling now?

Him: Better, I took the medicines

Me: Take care and take your medicines on time and take a lot of rest

Him: Yeah

My net connection went off after that. Stupid dongle”, she sighed.

-“ You know why I like you, because you are so caring about everybody.” I smiled at her.

And She smiled back.

P.S.- Next part on 20th March