FIRST LOVE PART 17- THE LAST NIGHT

Read Part 16 here

I was sleeping tonight when I heard my phone beeping; I woke up with a start. It was him

He: hi

I stopped breathing. It stops every time I see his name in my cell. A strange feeling of happiness and ecstacy gets over me. I was crying, I was happy, still I didn’t know why I was crying. I needed him, why couldn’t he understand? He was sick and that made me miserable, why didn’t he realise that I wanted to take care of him, I wanted him to be fine, I can’t see him unfit.

I wiped my tears and slowly typed

Me: Hey how are you now?

He: Too bad

I was worried, I hurriedly replied back

Me: Did you see a doctor? Are you taking your medicines on time?

He: yeah, but there’s no improvement.

Me: Visit another doctor, maybe that would help.

Him: I don’t want to talk about my health, it pisses me off.

I realised how disturbed he might be. I didn’t want him to be sad.

Me: Don’t worry, just give me a hug and you will be fine.

Him: No, I don’t want a hug.

It came as a bolt from the blue; I didn’t know why he was behaving like this.

Me: What happened? Is everything ok?

Him: I think we should be just friends.

My heart stopped beating. I didn’t know what he wanted to say. I didn’t want to know. I just stared at the 

message, I didn’t know how to react.

Me: Ok

And I dumped my face in my pillow and tried to sleep. The monster was eating me up inside.

After what seemed like a decade, my phone beeped again. I didn’t want to see what it was, I was scared 

beyond words.

Him: Please try to understand, this is not right, nothing is right.

I realised what he meant, I was desperately praying to god that maybe I was wrong. I didn’t feel like talking 

to anyone then, I didn’t feel like living. I didn’t want to believe what he was saying. I didn’t want to face life, 

face the truth. Somehow with trembling hands, I typed-

Me: I understand, and you are not well, go to sleep.

I somehow had the feeling, that this is all a nightmare, and everything would be fine in the morning.

The phone beeped again. This time I felt like throwing it away, I didn’t want to talk to him now, I didn’t want to face all he was saying. I felt like shouting at him but I was too weak for that.

Him: I don’t know, I still love her.

My mind went blank, I was tired, I didn’t want to argue, I didn’t want to ask anything

Me: Then you should go to her.

Someone was pushing a dagger through my heart. Each word I said, I don’t know why I said them, I just know how each of them stung me. I felt like punching through the wall, pushing my face in the pillow and crying out loud. Every part of me was getting heavier. My mind was dumb. I don’t know what made me say all that.”

I could see Smriti sobbing again. Her voice was choked, she had handed me the phone. Tears were flowing through her eyes, they didn’t seem to stop. I didn’t know what to say, how to console her.

I read the rest of the message in silence, and then I deleted the whole conversation from her phone. Every little part of my body was trembling with anger. I hated this guy, I didn’t want him to hurt her anymore. He was a bastard, he had hurt the person who loved him the most, he broke her trust.

I didn’t know how could Smriti let him go, she loved him so much, she fought for her relationship so long, how could she give up without one last fight, how could she just let him go like that?

“If you loved him so much, how could you let him go so easily?”

-“I don’t know why I said all that. I wish I had stopped him, I wish I had fought back. .

Maybe I didn’t love him enough to keep him to me but cared for him enough to let him go”, she hugged me and started crying.

I didn’t know what to say. I just hugged her tight. Even I felt like crying.

-“Hey can I ask you something?”, she stammered.

-“ Sure dear”, I didn’t know what was on her mind.

-“Is it possible that all this is a bad dream and everything will still be okay when I wake up?”, she begged me.

I just hoped it was just  a bad dream for both of us. I didn’t know what to answer

-“Just go to sleep dear, everything will be fine when you wake up”, and I took her to her bed and made her lay down.

But I couldn’t sleep. I just gazed at her all night. I just wished she hadn’t been so innocent.

It was 13th February...

P.S- We come to an end here, thanks to everyone for sticking along and your valuable comments, hope you liked it

FIRST LOVE PART 15- COMPLAINTS

Read part 14 here

I couldn’t bear it any longer, the pain was excruciating. My love was killing me every passing moment. I realised it’s of no use keeping quiet. My heart was brimming to the top with complaints and I had to bring them out. I had to tell him.

What was my fault in all of this? It wasn’t my fault. He was the one who didn’t call me. He was the one who was confused and I was the understanding one every time. Does supporting your love in his problems and confusions wrong? If I am not wrong, why should I suffer?

Why didn’t he call me? Didn’t he love me anymore? Was all that I did, all the plans of working things out in vain? I wasn’t angry, I was just upset.

I couldn’t hold it any longer. I had to finally speak up-

Me: Why didn’t you call me for so long?

Him: Was a little busy.

I could feel the anger burning a hole in my brain. He was so busy that he couldn’t find out a little time for me?

Me: What kept you busy for such a long time?

Him: Was studying for a interview.

I dropped the matter then and there. The last thing I wanted was to pick up a fight on this issue. Though it was the last thing on my list yet I wanted it.

Me: happy birthday

Him: thanks

You remember?

Me: why shouldn't I remember, your birthday brings a lot of memories.

Him: Like?

Me: I prefer keeping that to myself

Him: Nahi bata na

Me: There’s loads of them, infact everything about us.

Him: hmm.

Me: And how situations have changed with times

Him: Nahi aisa nahi

I will explain you

Whenever we meet

He has said that endless time. I have even lost count of how many times he had promised me to explain his life, his problems to me, but never did. I knew even this time it was fake, but still had little hopes.

Me: Hmm will wait.

I understand

You seem to keep a lot to yourself

Him: Hmmm.

Me: And you fall asleep while talking. You don’t have time for me.

Him: Why are you complaining so much today baby, you never do.

Me: Achcha you are the one who doesn’t text for a month, and dozes off while chatting, what should 

I do?

Him: Aisi baat nahi hai

You know leave it

It’s all my fault

I didn’t know it would rebounce back so badly. I had to make it right.

Me: I never said it’s your fault

I know there are a lot of complicacies and problems in your life

And I want to work them out with you together

Him: There are no problems, I don’t want to work out.

He went offline after that.

I went to sleep after that. I wasn’t in a mood to do anything. Whatever work I sat with, my mind drifted off towards him. I didn’t want to think about it. I always had this feeling that things turn out well in the morning after a good night’s sleep.”

FIRST LOVE PART 14 - WAKING UP

Read part 13 here

“As I saw his name flashing on my phone, I went in a state of shock. I didn’t know what to do. My heart stopped beating. I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I was scared and I was confused. It was 2 a.m. 

After a few moments of oblivion, I picked up the phone.

Me: Hello

As I heard his voice, I didn’t know what happened to me. His voice melted my heart. It seemed like a decade since I had talked to him.

Him: Hi, kaisi ho?

I didn’t know how to react. What to reply. What should I tell him? That I wasn’t well, how could I even imagine being well without him? The first time when I fell in love, I didn’t for once imagine how life could be without him. And now I have got a taste of it. It killed me slowly as each day passed. I couldn’t bear to live the pain.

I wanted to cry to him, to accuse him of forgetting me.  But then I didn’t want to fall weak before him. He didn’t call me for three weeks. He didn’t care for me. Why should I be the understanding one every time? I agree that he has some previous relationship issues, that he still has feelings for his first love. But then he was my FIRST LOVE, why couldn’t he understand what I felt? I was angry.

So I replied curtly-

Me: Thik thak, koi kaam tha?

Him: Nah, q?

Me: Nahi achanak phone kiya isliye

Him: Kyun, aisehi nahi kar sakta.

I was seriously pissed of this time.

Me: Nahi, nothing like that, normally you don’t call, so I thought ki may be koi kaam tha

Him: Nahi re, was missing you.

Aur batao, kya kar rahi thi?

Me: Kuch nahi, baas aisehi was sitting idle”

Till date I don’t know why I didn’t tell him the truth that night that I was sleeping. I knew if I said that, he would tell me to go back to sleep and not talk anymore.

But then he had called after so long, how could I miss the opportunity to talk to him?

My heart and brain were standing at two opposite poles.. My brain said not to fall weak for him, but as soon as I listened to his voice, as I felt him close to me, my heart fell weak.

I loved him too much. I couldn’t afford to lose him. This call had given me a new light of hope and I was prepared to try my best to keep the candle glowing.

But there was another truth. The past three weeks had changed me. This time, it’s not just my heart; even my mind was taking a crucial role in my life, my decisions.

FIRST LOVE- PART 10: VACATIONS

Read part 9 here

I was still upset when I got up in the morning. Last night I tried to call him a lot of times, but the network sucked. I even sent a few messages, but I knew they were in vain. He didn’t reply to messages most of the time.

Since the first day I came to this college, I never liked going home. I liked hostel life more. I liked being with friends, the independence. When the rest used to be very excited whenever vacations came, I was the one who went to depression. No one ever understood why I was like that.

But this time, the vacations were different. I wanted to rush back home as soon as I can. I wanted to go and hug my parents. I wanted to run away from everything-college, friends, Independence, him. I didn’t know why I behaved like that. I thought I was happy with him. But as the vacations were approaching, I realised I wanted to be with my mum more than I wanted to be with him. I felt that I would love to get some sleep at night more than spending it talking to him. I didn’t know why I wasn’t enjoying it anymore.

I was the one who said that I wanted to fight for my love till my last breath. I was the one who wasn’t ready to give up. Was my determination making me hollow from inside? Was it making me weak? On one side I still wanted to be with him, but on the other hand I wanted to break free of it all, to give it all up and run back to my parents. I didn’t know why I felt like this, why I was doing this. The only thing I knew was that I needed to spend some time away from all this, with my family.

I was supposed to leave at 10 am. I remember him asking whether he could go with me to the railway station a few hours before the train came so that we could spend some time together before I left. We were both upset with the cancellation of our date.

But that wasn’t possible. My parents never let me travel alone. They always came to pick me up. So we even had to cancel that plan. I was badly upset.

Even before I left for home, I tried calling him up a number of times, but somehow the calls never connected. Now that’s what is called bad luck. The clock struck 10. With a heavy heart I took my bags and left for home.

Whenever I tried calling, I always got the message that his phone was switched off. So I stopped trying. I thought that there must be some problem with his phone, and he was as disturbed as I was. I knew he would call as soon as he could.

But he didn’t call.

I dunno why but I wasn’t worried or tensed this time. I don’t know why not talking to him didn’t upset me. I knew I had come home to get away from all the worries and tensions this relationship gave me so I didn’t call him.

We didn’t contact each other for a few days. I knew my reasons but I didn’t know his. I realised it’s been a long time and that I should call him. As soon as I took my cell and searched through my contacts to find his name, I realised that I didn’t have the number he used at home. I only had the college number which was supposed to be switched off while he was at home. I dropped my cell on the bed with a sigh. Now the only hopes left for me was to wish that he would call me.

How could I be so stupid that I forgot to take his number before I left?” Smita thumped her foot on the window sill.

-“Then? What happened? You got his number?” I asked.

“I waited, he didn’t call”

P.S.- Next part on 15th April :)